Excuses
by Zero.Elektronik
Summary: For four long months, i'd been making excuses. Style. Slash.


**Done for the 100 theme challenge.**

**Warning: Slash.**

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**It'd been exactly four months now. Four months since I realised i had a very, very big crush on Stan. I say that, but I hate the word 'crush' - it just seems like something the girls would use to describe their fleeting feelings towards a different guy every week. It'd taken me a while to realise what i was feeling, but I've been feeling the same for so long now; I can't deny it. These are just some of the small excuses for the way I feel about Stan.

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His hands.

Stan's hands, were great to touch. They were soft, but large and thin they looked rather average, really - nothing special about them. But it was the way that they'd place themselves on my cheeks, to hold my face still as Stan leant forward, whispered and told me to calm down or that everything would be okay. It was the way they'd have a steady, firm grip on my shoulder when things got bad to reassure me that Stan was behind me all the way. How when I'd shake with rage, or sadness that he would sweetly, and secretly grab my hand, holding it and occasionally squeezing it tighter and the honest smile that would come after it.

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His hair.

In my class there's a few people with dark hair. Kevin, Wendy, Craig, Stan. But it's easy to tell them apart. Kevin's is boring, neatly cut. Wendy's is long, perfectly straight which falls to her shoulders. Craig's is flat, no shine, bland. Stan's, however, is short and smooth, soft and silky to touch, sticking up I some places when he's shoved his hat on too quickly in the morning and not bothered to brush his hair. It always looks good on him, without even trying. Sometimes I wonder how he does it - compared to the mess which is my hair. Everything about the way he looks, every part of his body is so effortlessly attractive.

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His mouth.

Stan's smile was one of the nicest things I'd ever seen. It was always so clear and perfect, the way his lips curve upwards as he grins, the white of his clean and straight teeth showing clearly behind his lips. The laugh that would come from that mischievous grin, that would lure you in and make you trust him, make you want to be friends with him. His voice is beautiful. It's strong, and masculine but sweet and soft at the same time. It's so comforting to me, after all these years, sometimes it's the only thing that can salvage a shitty day in South Park. It was so perfect and honest, that sometimes, I wondered if it was honest at all.

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His attitude.

He had this thing about him that no one else had. Stan's not afraid to say anything, if he believed in what he's saying, he speaks with such passion. He has such a positive outlook on life, even if sometimes he'll go off track and end up hanging with the Goth kids. He has such determination in everything he does. He'll go to any length to look after a friend. He does things that he know could possibly never work, even with everyone telling him this, he has a drive to prove them wrong. Even when Randy gets him caught up in his idiotic ideas, he still tries his hardest.

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His love.

Stan is, the reason, the heart of our group. Sure, it's kind of faggy sometimes, but it's just so…sweet to watch. The way he cares for the people around him, his family (which are all insane, I'm sure of it), his friends, even the people of South Park - the animals, too. He's always there. Always caring. He might not act like it sometimes, the douche bag, but it's true.

Every drunk, mistaken kiss that sends my heart wild. The way he'll say my name as if it's the most meaningful thing he'll ever say. The way even now, when he's back with Wendy, he'll blow her off to spend time with me - even if it means she'll dump him again for picking me over her, again. The way how when he's sad, I just want to hold him in my arms and kiss him and make him know I'll always be there. He's always been there fore me, and I just want to make him feel how he's made me feel. I don't know what way, but I know Stan loves me. And I love him.

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And after these four long, long months, I've come to realise something. Yes, I've always loved Stan and always will - he's my best friend after all. Yes, I am attracted to him - whether or not this is just him, and not all men…well, I don't know yet. And finally, the five things I mentioned previously? Those aren't my excuses for loving Stan anymore. No. Those are my reasons for loving Stan.

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End file.
